When I hear someone say, “I don’t know who I am”, there is only one statement that repeatedly pops into my head:
Who we are is what is left on the other side of healing our fears and false beliefs.
In 2009, I went through a dramatic life event that left me void of anything I attached to in the physical world. All things I thought made up “Kristen” were gone: my career, my relationship, my home, my income, my financial stability and my worth.
I later learned that “who I am” had been dependent on the things I had acquired in this life, not the things that made up my soul and genuine nature. I had attached onto external ideas and concepts as my value. Well, isn’t that what makes us who we are?
Most often after life’s traumas, tsunamis or Armageddons, we have been reduced so low that the only place we can truly find comfort is by connecting to Spirit. However, the good news is, we don’t have to have our world rocked to begin our journey.
Although I cannot say for sure what makes up anyone else’s uniqueness, the one thing we do all have in common is that we are all individual aspects of the Divine - wholly and Holy deserving of all things abundant and beautiful in this life. By connecting to the Divine, we begin to heal the extraneous noise, fears, approval seeking and judgments that plague our minds and after the dust settles, all we are left with is ourselves. Our perfect, beautiful, authentic selves. When we finally understand, own and live in this knowing, Who we are as individual personalities becomes a natural byproduct. We aren’t afraid anymore to be and do as we were created to be and do, and we seek less approval from “outside” because we already approve of ourselves.
I have a friend who could only see who she was through the eyes of males. Male approval was top priority for her being she had suffered a paternal abandonment in her middle school years. She has an exquisite figure and once she began getting male attention, she quickly saw her value as sex. Sex and nothing else. She knew that if she exhibited her sexiness to the world, she would inevitably get attention. What she didn’t yet understand, was the attention she was seeking was superficial and not in honor of her true essence. She felt forever empty, alone, broken, afraid and depressed.
In attempt to help her transcend her box, I asked her these questions: Who is (her name)? What does she want out of life? And What attributes would she like in an ideal partner? Her answer to each question was a resounding, “I don’t know.” I pressed further thinking I could help her transcend this hell, but she wanted no part of it. You see, she had become comfortable in her box and the fear of change far outweighed the fear of staying the same.
Discovering our authentic nature after years and often decades of living in accordance to the outside world’s view is not always easy. In fact, the spiritual path is not easy. It takes dedication, time, tenacity, gentleness with self and patience. The desire to heal/change and live in better accordance with our authentic nature must outweigh the discomfort that initially change can bring.
In the midst of my healing/awakening, there were times I didn’t know if I was coming or going, happy or sad, depressed or angry. I flopped around like a fish on dry land begging to be returned to water! No matter how toxic and polluted it was, I wanted to go back! It never happened. Life had a different plan and the most interesting part is, I didn’t dry up and die! On the contrary, I began to thrive! It was slow at first; however, soon enough the momentum began!
I learned the “who I am” that I was living in wasn’t “Who I am” at all. Little did I know, I had been minimizing myself, my potential and my Divine nature by staying rooted in my unconscious beliefs and thoughts. There was a greater plan for me and all I had to do was surrender to the Divine to discover it.
The miracle that followed was self-worth.
When we live and act through a core love of self, we become all that we were ever meant to be! There is no more hiding, compromising our sacred self or lack of self-connection. We now know Who we are and we aren't afraid to show it anymore!
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