I struggled for years with that question. Why, even though I wanted to be fit and healthy, was I choosing the exact opposite of what would get me there? On the same day I worked out, I could choose to eat the worst processed toxic calorie bomb available. Or on days I made good food choices, I would waste all my time doing everything possible to avoid a workout.
Was I schizophrenic?
Not at all. What we are experiencing is the battle between Truth and Lies. If I believe the lies, I stay stuck. When I embrace the Truth, I move forward.
There are a few really big lies that keep us stuck. These are struggles we all share and need to overcome and replace with Truth.
Lie: I'm the only one who struggles with this issue.
Of course, that is not true at all. The reason we think that is because we are afraid to be vulnerable and share what is really going on underneath. We don't want anyone to know our weaknesses, so we hide them.
Truth: As soon as I am brave enough to share my story with someone, the healing will begin. The more people I share my struggle with, the more grace and healing I will receive.
Lie: I'm behind in comparison to someone else, so I am a failure.
That is not true either. You are a warrior and are very brave for stepping onto this path and going for it. You are in the arena! Comparison will only keep you stuck. We must be willing to celebrate every victory, whether it is someone else's or our own.
Truth: We are all on the same path, just at different places on the path.
Lie: I'll never be good enough.
This is the big one that is guaranteed to keep you stuck. If you will never be good enough, why try? Why bother? Nothing I do makes a difference.
Truth: You are already good enough. You were created that way and there is nothing you can do to either make yourself more or less worthy of a happy, healthy life. You just are. The trick is to know that, to really know that, in the deepest part of your being and your identity. Then live your life reflecting that belief.
If you aren't sure what you believe, look at your choices. Your choices reflect your beliefs. If you believe you are already good enough and always will be, every choice you make will honor that truth. And your health and fitness will reflect that. If you believe you are not good enough and never will be, your choices will reflect that. You will live with a compulsion for short term pleasure and escape, without understanding or acknowledging the long term impact on your life. You will live in denial.
If you feel like these two parts of you battle, remember this Cherokee legend:
An old Cherokee is teaching his grandson about life. "A fight is going on inside me," he said to the boy.
"It is a terrible fight and it is between two wolves. One is evil - he is anger, envy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, and ego." He continued, "The other is good - he is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion, and faith. The same fight is going on inside you - and inside every other person, too."
The grandson thought about it for a minute and then asked his grandfather, "Which wolf will win?"
The old Cherokee simply replied, "The one you feed."