Blog Archives

Mixed Messages

11/30/2014

We get a lot of messages in fitness and in life.

You’re good enough just the way you are, just make sure you are better today than you were yesterday. Keep improving, never stop progressing. Progress over perfection. Be still. Be the ball. Just be. Just breathe. Just lift. Just walk. Just do it. Just love yourself.

Just quit yelling conflicting messages at me, right?

I hear you. Let me see if I can sort through what’s happening with these mixed messages.

Identity
Some messages speak to our identity. I think it is important that we are reminded of our worth, regardless of our size, shape, body type, or any other physical measurement. Our weight is not our worth, despite what the culture may tell us. Our worth comes from our spirit, and it has no prerequisites.These are our deepest truths. Reminders of who we are.

Enough
Some messages speak to our lack of self-love. I believe we need to be reminded that the critic within us isn’t speaking the truth. It isn’t even our own voice. When we know who we are, we know we are already good enough. And we know that the voice that yammers on about never being enough is lying. This is a battle we all fight. We need encouragement to remember we are enough, right now, as is.

Improvement
Some messages encourage us to improve. I need these messages as much as the others. They encourage me to put my shoes on and go exercise when I don’t feel like it. They remind me that every small choice I make it a victory. Left foot, right foot. That every choice matters. That we are empowered to improve our health and fitness any time we are ready. I know what to do, so let’s do it.

Do these messages conflict, or is there one story here?

I believe they conflict if we go out of order. If we exercise because we believe it will finally make us good enough to quiet the critical voice within, this spells trouble. No one has to exercise or be fit to be worthy or good enough!

No matter what your size. No matter what your shape. No matter what your weight on the scale. You matter. You are loved. You are enough. You are wonderfully made, a true miracle of creation. Right now. As is.

I want you to exercise because you do matter. You are loved. You are enough. Already. What a wonderful way to celebrate the miraculous creation that you are. What a wonderful way to honor your worth and to express, “Yes, I am enough. I know that now.”

“I will give thanks to you because I have been so amazingly and miraculously made. Your works are miraculous, and my soul is fully aware of this.” - Psalm 139:14

“When we are truly aware of our spiritual glory, a varicose vein or two is not that big a deal." - Marianne Williamson

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Turbulence

11/23/2014

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I was on a flight once, coming back from hiking out west. The plane was full and I was sitting next to a woman several years older than me. We chatted, then I read my book for a long stretch of the flight. I looked up from my book when I felt the plane bounce. The pilot came on to announce that we were about to experience some turbulence.

We began to secure everything around us. The flight attendant took my Diet Coke, then asked that tray tables be put up. The woman next to me looked frightened. I asked her, “Are you OK?” The ride was getting bumpier. She said she was very nervous. “Will you hold my hand?” she asked. “Of course”, I replied.

A few minutes of calm would go by, then the bumps would resume. We tightened our seatbelts. I always try to picture myself on a big bus driving down a bumpy road when this happens. Nothing to fear, just a lot of jostling around. But I don’t like it. Neither did my travel neighbor.

The pilot came back on to announce that we were going to change altitude to look for calmer air. “Oh Halleluiah”, I thought. And, “Hurry the hell up!” Within minutes, all was calm and quiet again. The woman let go of my hand and looked at me slightly embarrassed. I gave her the most reassuring smile I knew how to, then resumed reading my book.

Last week was a bugger of a week. So cold so soon, dark early, freezing rain even. We were visited by winter in the heart of fall, and I don’t know too many people who were celebrating. I certainly wasn’t.

The week before, I knew I had to stay mindful to stay on track, so I signed up for Pump class three times, scheduled two runs with Kim, and had already registered for the Hot Chocolate 15K that was on Sunday. I felt great, despite the cold and the dark.

This week was another story. Monday morning we got snow, then the temperature plummeted. My neck and shoulder hurt, and I wasn’t sleeping well because of the pain. So I handled it by not going to Pump Tuesday or Wednesday evening, then canceling my run with Kim on Friday.

And you know what? I felt the effects of it. I didn’t feel like myself. I felt edgy and impatient. I felt like eating and laying on the couch. It was horrible to feel the energy drain out of me like that. I just wanted to cancel everything I was scheduled for and crawl under a blanket.

I have always said exercise isn’t optional for me. My brain chemistry gets out of whack so quickly without daily exercise. I feel depressed, anxious, and unmotivated. Without my good brain, I feel like I am trapped on a plane that is in turbulent air. I feel like I’m getting jostled around. I try to secure things and get things situated around me. I tighten my seat belt but the bumps keep coming.

I realized today that trying to manage my behavior and force myself to act differently while in the turbulence is not the path to empowerment. Changing altitude and getting the heck out of the bumpy air is. I needed to rise up.

So I ran six miles today with Kim. And it all lifted. All of it.

I needed to rise up out of the turbulence, not try to manage it. This calm air up here makes it so much easier to handle the cold and the dark. The calm air allows me to find my place.

There are only a few daily practices I know that raise my altitude enough to get to calm air. One of them is exercise. It works every time. Lift, walk, run, Pump. The other is meditating in prayer. The combination of the two get me where I can think clearly and make good choices from a place of peace. I know it’s difficult. We all struggle to some degree. But don’t give up. Get your workouts in and rise up! Rise UP sisters! RISE UP AND SHINE!

“Rise up and shine, for your light has come. The shining-greatness of the Lord has risen upon you. For see, darkness will cover the earth. Much darkness will cover the people. But the Lord will rise upon you, and His shining-greatness will be seen upon you.” - Isaiah 60

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Real Women

11/17/2014

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A real woman
HAS CURVES
HAS MUSCLES
IS SKINNY
…is whatever the hell she wants to be

I found these words while I was browsing Facebook, and posted them on the Clear Rock page last week. I wish I knew who the author was, so I could give proper credit. That post was noticed and liked by more people than any other post on my page, ever. I find that extraordinary, so I started to think about why it struck so many of us the way it did.

I think, at the root, is that insidious belief that we are never good enough. We don’t measure up. Even though many of us are wearing ourselves out to try to meet standards for our bodies, our finances, our families, and our entire lives.

But the target keeps moving. One article, headline or before and after photo will say that curves make you a real women, and skinny, stick figures just don’t cut it. Then we’ll read or hear about how being tight and toned are the new standard and if you aren’t muscular, you aren’t measuring up. But wait. Isn’t being thin still the ultimate reflection of a real woman? Do we really have the freedom to carry extra weight without judgment on our worth as women?

I was at a gathering recently, and a woman attended that hadn’t been around in a while. I was shocked at how many people said something about, “Boy oh boy has she gained weight.” Like she had committed a crime and all we could do was shake our heads in disbelief. The words “gained weight” sounded more like “stabbed her boss”. Heads shake.

At the other end of that, I know women who are ripped. They are lean and muscular and work hard at it. And there is a bundle of judgment for them as well. Obsessed. Care too much about fitness, spend too much time at the gym. Too muscular, not feminine, not curvy, shame shame.

There is no physique that shields us from judgment. Even if we get judged positively, it is still judgment. Better keep up that level of curviness, muscularity or thinness or else you will fall out of grace and be put into the unacceptable category.

Yet…a real women is whatever the hell she wants to be.

We have created this culture of unacceptance, yet we crave freedom to be who we are. I think I know how we can take back our freedom. But we need a revolution.

It must start with me. When I find myself judging a woman, especially her body, I have to remember that she is my sister. Her worth simply does not change with size and shape. She is precious and loved and doing her best. She is on the same path that I am, just perhaps at a different place on that path.

What I do to her, I do to me.

Anytime I find myself in judgment of my own body, I must remember I am part of a revolution that does not base a woman’s worth on size and shape. I am precious and loved. I am doing my best. I share this path with all my sisters, no matter where they are on the path.

“There is nothing more rare, nor more beautiful, than a woman being unapologetically herself; comfortable in her perfect imperfection. To me, that is the true essence of beauty.” – Steve Maraboli

“Are you ready to stop colluding with a culture that makes so many of us feel physically inadequate? Say goodbye to your inner critic, and take this pledge to be kinder to yourself and others. This is a call to arms. A call to be gentle, to be forgiving, to be generous with yourself. The next time you look into the mirror, try to let go of the story line that says you're too fat or too sallow, too ashy or too old, your eyes are too small or your nose too big; just look into the mirror and see your face. When the criticism drops away, what you will see then is just you, without judgment, and that is the first step toward transforming your experience of the world.” - Oprah

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Whack-a-Mole

11/9/2014

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Have you ever played whack-a-mole? It is an arcade game where, after you insert your quarters, little critters start popping their heads up out of their bunker holes and you whack them on the head as quickly as you can with a rubber hammer. You get points by whacking moles before they can hide from the hammer. They come and go rather quickly, so you look like a lunatic trying to hit as many as possible in the sixty seconds you are allotted.

Whack, whack.

Those little guys are relentless. As soon as you bop one on the head, another one pops up. Sometimes you find the rhythm and you know exactly where the next one is coming, and that mallet is coming down hard before you ever see the little guy. You are in the whack-a-mole groove. Life is good.

Pop, pop, pop. Whack, whack.

How’s the time change going? And how about the colder weather? Did you feel your motivation drop when it got cold and gray and dark? Did you start eating carbohydrates like a hibernating bear? Did you live in your yoga pants this weekend?

Pop, pop, pop.

How about the aches and pains? What is it about a change in weather that brings about pain in this hip of mine? Oh wait, now it is in my back. I mean my ankle. Crap! It’s my shoulder now. Get out the Advil, the ice packs and the heating pad.

Pop, pop, pop.

I hear you! I do. I feel the darkness and the cold. My motivation is not what it was even a few weeks ago. Yes, I am craving comfort food and yes, I am in my yoga pants right now. Big ones.

I hear you! I do. These aches and pains pop up out of nowhere. One day, all is well. The next day, I am limping like a pirate with a wooden leg. Argh. I don’t know where they come from or why. I just know it hurts and it’s no fun to be in pain.

Pop, pop, pop.

These things are going to be popping up on us fast and furious for the next few months. Holidays. Short days. Polar vortex. Pumpkin praline pie. Joint pain. Lack of vitamin D. Lack of motivation, inspiration, preparation, edification, stimulation and oxygenation.

Well guess what. It’s time to get your hammer out, sister, ‘cause we need to start whacking some moles around here. Yes, they pop up. It is our job to whack them back down. And if you know someone who needs one, get them a hammer, too. And tell them to get whacking.

We can’t put fitness on hold. It doesn’t work like that. Stuff pops up. More so right now.

Whack, whack.

We’ve been through this before and have learned this one. We know what it feels like to abandon fitness for two months. Don’t let it happen again.

Whack, whack.

Get vigilant. Try to see those suckers popping up before they do, and they won’t know what hit ‘em.

Hit ‘em with your commitment to never, ever, ever give up.
Hit ‘em with the promise to honor your health no matter what.
Hit ‘em with all the tools in your toolbox. Every single one.
Hit ‘em with inspiration that can only come from your deepest reasons for doing this in the first place.
Hit ‘em with empowerment that comes from owning your choices.
Hit ‘em with the knowledge that you are filled with the spirit, which makes you stronger than any darkness, or polar vortex, or cold night, or ache and pain. Call on the spirit for help when you can’t do it alone. Call on the spirit when you’ve had a rough day so you can get back to it.

Whack, whack.

Hit it hard and don’t quit. Not now. Not ever.

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Integrity

11/2/2014

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Twice a year, for ten weeks, my friend Jess and I lead a support group called Integrity for Women. It is for women who are struggling with broken relationships, identities and their past. I became a leader after having a transformational experience while participating in the group in 2006.

I love the word Integrity. It comes from the root word integer meaning whole or complete.

in·te·ger
noun
-a whole number; a number that is not a fraction.
-a thing complete in itself.

This is easy to understand when we are talking about numbers. 1 is a whole number. ½ is not.

But what about when we are talking about us. What makes us a thing complete in itself? Is there such a thing?

There is something important I have learned from leading Integrity and working with women at the studio. Our struggle is not food. Food is a symptom. Inactivity is a symptom. Our health and our weight is an outcome, a consequence of that. It could just as easily be alcoholism, an online shopping addiction, workaholism, gambling, or any other compulsion used to escape the pain, fear and discomfort of our reality.

Lie: Food and exercise are the problem. Control food and exercise, fix the problem.
Truth: The root is our identity. We believe ourselves to be incomplete, broken. Fractions.

The path to freedom lies in understanding that no matter what we’ve been through, or what we’ve done, we are not loved any less. We need to understand who we are.

With the death of my parents when I was 13 and 23, I was certain that I was abandoned and worth-less. Not a thing complete in itself.

When I was assaulted as a teen, I was certain I was damaged beyond recovery. Never again to be whole or worthy of love.

Then with every bad choice. With every deepening groove of addiction. With every failure. Bankruptcy. Divorce. You name it. I had become a fraction of what I was meant to be. It was devastating to be in a pit so deep, with little light. I did my best to fake it. Fake it ‘til you make it.

I tried all the ways of the world. Every single one. Self-help. Workshops. Therapy. Diets. Books. College degrees. Money. None of those things were bad. But none of those things could reach the beliefs that I held so deep in my heart about who I believed I was.

Then I went to this group and I told them my story, and my beliefs about who I was. Abandoned. Worthless. Damaged. And I listened intently as I was taught that we all believe we are too far gone for grace to free us, but we’re not. That our past is too much of a mess to be forgiven, but it’s not. And our hearts are too broken to be healed, but they’re not.

If no one has told you the truth, allow me.
You are not too far gone for grace to free you.
Your past is not too much of a mess to be forgiven.
And your heart is not too broken to be healed.

You are, and always have been, a whole number. A thing complete in itself. It is yours to claim. Receive it! The only thing that can stop you is an old lie; that you don’t matter or aren’t ever good enough. And if you are anything like me, you have heard enough of that old lie to last a lifetime. It is time to live a life rooted in the truth.

You matter. You are already good enough! And if you are willing to touch that joy and live in it, your food choices, your activity, your relationships and everything else will reflect the wholeness, freedom and healing that have always been there waiting for you to claim them.

“I will change your name
You shall no longer be called
Wounded, outcast, lonely or afraid

I will change your name
Your new name shall be
Confidence, joyfulness, overcoming one” -Eden’s Bridge

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Mixed Messages

Turbulence

Real Women

Whack-a-Mole

Integrity

Sue Markovitch

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Mixed Messages

Turbulence

Real Women﻿

Whack-a-Mole

Integrity

Sue Markovitch

Archives

Categories

Real Women