Clear Rock Fitness - Blog

Perseverance

9/9/2018

Building a business, creating art, writing a book, raising a family, getting healthy and fit, saving for retirement. All these things require one thing. Perseverance.

When I hear that word, my mind often takes me to mile 25 of a marathon, when everything hurts and I'm shuffling slowly towards the finish line praying for it to end. Perseverance is suffering, right?

But what if perseverance is also the only way to grow? What if it is the WAY OUT of old patterns and frustrating behaviors, and into new life?

I love the message I heard today. It said when we find JOY as we face our battles, this is the result of supernatural intervention from the Spirit. Joy in spite of pain. Joy in the MIDST.

I love that. Have you ever experience this?

I am experiencing it right now in my entrepreneur life. It's been a weird year, and nothing went as I had originally hoped. But the JOY I've found is incredible, and I know it has come from turning to God in faith, over and over. With the little things and the big stuff.

The more I trust that everything that happens can be scooped up with a big shovel, dumped into a spiritual recycling machine, and turned into a miracle, the more I grow. The more peace I experience. The more JOY!

Friends, I know many of you are fighting battles right now. They may be for your health and fitness, your peace, or even your worth and identity. I get it. I've been there, then I had a radical experience. I was changed.

Here's what I know. It would not have happened if I had quit trying, and it would not have happened if I had continued to rely solely on the mind (mine) that had created the problems in the first place.

So this week, I would like to encourage you to be brave. Quit quitting, stop relying solely on your own strength, and do something different. Reach out for help, get connected, share your struggle with someone, let yourself be seen. As you open your heart to the possibility that this battle can be won, it gets a lot easier to pick up your sword and start fighting for it.

Fight for your health.
Fight for your fitness.
Fight for your peace.
Fight for your worth and authentic self.

Do the work that's in front of you, and trust God to handle the rest. God's weapons are way better than ours, anyway. Weapons of the Spirit bring truth to confusion. They bring miracles from the rubble. And they bring joy in the midst.

Enough!

8/26/2018

Somewhere along the way, fitness became a stick we use to beat ourselves up with.

I mean, when was the last time you felt as though you had done enough? It's difficult to feel good about our fitness when there are constantly new recommendations, fitness challenges and dressing room mirrors. Right?

I don't believe it was intended to be that way.

Fitness is meant to be empowering, enlightening and a grand contributor to a life well lived. Not a guilt stick.

Can we please say "enough!"?

Enough of unrealistic expectations on our bodies.
Enough of recommendations, without help on how to get it all done.
Enough studies.
Enough Photoshop.
Enough judging one another on how we look, our size or our fitness ability.
Enough of not celebrating that one, small step.
Enough of not celebrating that one, healthy choice.

This is the stuff that always kept me from starting. If I couldn't do it all, I didn't do any. I was an all-or-nothing machine, and that kept me stuck in a horrible on again, off again relationship with health and fitness for many years.

It wasn't until I stopped judging myself so harshly, that fitness started to actually fit in my life. And that came through learning spiritual principles of acceptance and grace, not adding more exercise.

One of the most common questions I have gotten over the years is, "Is one workout a week going to do anything?" In other words, is once enough?

I always say the same thing. "Once is so much better than nonce." I usually get a smile or a laugh. But it's true! One simple, brief workout changes so many things in your body, mind and spirit. The most important thing it does, I believe, is it gives you the gift of getting to say that you are doing something about your health, as opposed to having that awful, gnawing feeling that you aren't doing anything.

I call it the I Did It. The I Did It rocks. It lasts for days! It boost self esteem, balances brain chemicals, reduces stress and tightens butts. Who doesn't want some of that! But what if there are limits to what you can do?

Another thing that is very commonly said to me is, "I only got one workout in this week."

Only? ONLY? ONLY??

I usually say, "Rephrase that, please." From a perspective of VICTORY, not failure or falling short or never enough.

Do you see? This is our lens. Our root of never enough.

So how do we change our perception of this, and still get moving? Gently. One small step at a time.

This is how Love Your Body University was born. It's easy to talk about the aha moments and big picture. But where is the help for gentle daily practices, fitness baby steps, and simple healthier choices?

Meredith, our Registered Dietitian, just finished her 6-session Road to Wellness nutrition workshop at Clear Rock and it was really impactful. I believe it was so good because it was gentle, simple, yet filled with empowerment. Many people asked about it being offered again so we are offering it as part of Love Your Body U, because understanding basic nutrition, cutting through the marketing crap, and making balanced, healthy choices is part of how we learn to love our body.

By love I mean the verb: love. Love is to ACT lovingly. It's an action, a choice.

I just finished my I Know What to Do, I Just Don't Do It seminar this past week. Also incredibly impactful and empowering. But what to do with all that new information? How do you take it and translate it into loving action and choices? So I am offering a follow up class to the seminar, also part of Love Your Body U. We'll go through the main principles in the book together for six sessions, and keep the conversation going as we understand why we know what to do, but aren't doing it.

Then, we have the workouts.

The key to health and fitness is doing the work, right? But why is it do hard to do? Why is it so hard to get started? And keep going?

Like I talked about above, I believe one of the reasons is we expect too much, then never feel like we did enough. We get so stuck in all-or-nothing thinking. Who the heck would want to sign up for that kind of mental anguish. No one.

But what if you could get your workout done in a way that's not boring, but you are literally done in less than 15 minutes, and didn't have to drive anywhere to do it? That's where the 14- minute workouts came from in Love Your Body U. Yes, it IS enough. Yes, it will do something for your body, mind and spirit. Yes, you get to experience the I Did It.

Many of you reading this are doing a fantastic job with your workouts. If that is you, keep going!

But many of you who are reading this are struggling to get started or to keep going. It's still such a battle and a stick you are using to beat yourself up. Love Your Body University is for you. I want to take a sledgehammer to the lie that we are never doing enough, and make each workout a victory.

Yes, a 14 minute workout is a victory.
Yes, it will do something. Lots!
Yes, it is worth your time and resources.
Yes, once is so much better than nonce.
Yes, it gets you the feeling of I DID IT!
Yes, it is enough.

Don't give up because it hasn't worked yet. I will help you. You do not have to do this alone.

Classes start the week of September 10th. It is very simple. All you need is a device with video and a microphone (most phones will work, or tablet, laptop or desktop PC). Camera is optional, if you want to join the video classes live. You will have the option to pull up each class recording, when it's convenient for you, and watch, listen or follow along to a more-than-enough 14 minute workout.

To get started, you can read more and enroll in Fall Semester 2018 here.

You can also download the Zoom web-based training app and set up your profile so you're ready. https://zoom.us/

I will add more info as we get closer to Fall Semester. I could not be more excited, because this is my ministry and my calling, and to get the opportunity to help more people break free and get moving in the direction of their dreams, even if you don't live here in Ohio, is a dream come true for me.

Please join me. We will be learning together. And together we will say...WE DID IT!

LYFT & THE DOORMAT

8/12/2018

I had an epiphany last week. A major one.

MAJOR.
Life changing.
Mind-shifting.

I flew to Savannah, Georgia a few weeks ago to meet up with family for some beach time at Hilton Head.

My plan was to get an Uber when I landed in Savannah, which would get me to the beach an hour or so later. I've taken Uber many times and have never had a problem. I don't want to scare anyone away from independent travel. I do want to share with you why it is important to trust your gut and not be afraid to speak up.

While I waited for my luggage, I checked prices of both Uber and LYFT. LYFT had a $10 off promo code for me, so I requested a ride, got my bag and headed to the curb for pick-up.

If you've never used these services, you can see the little car icon on a map on your phone, as well as a photo and rating of the driver who is coming to get you. I watched the little car icon do some weird shenanigans. Oh great, I thought. Does he not know his way around this airport?

Ignore Clue Number 1.

A few minutes later, I saw a car head down the lane where the taxi cabs line up. Realizing that was wrong, he backed up and came around to the curb pick up lane where I was waiting.

Ignore Clue Number 2.

He pulled up and, over very loud exhaust, asked if I was Sue. Yes. He loaded my bag in the trunk and I got in.

Ignore Clue Number 3.

We headed out of the airport and onto the highway. I noticed that he was using his phone for music, and didn't have the GPS pulled up with the map of my destination. I asked him about it. He said this was his first LYFT, and he didn't know how to use the app. He had just signed up today.

Ignore Clue Number 4.

I tried to explain how it worked. I asked him about himself. He said he was from Charlotte, was 23 years old, had just gotten out of the Army, and was trying this out for extra money. He asked how he got paid. I said you get paid a percentage of the fare. No money exchanges hands between you and I. He asked what percentage he got. SO I GOOGLED IT FOR HIM.

Ignore Clue Number 5.

After he pulled up GPS on his phone, he said that he didn't have enough charge on his phone to make it to Hilton Head. We pulled off the highways and stopped at a small convenience store so he could buy one. There I sat, in a strange, loud car in the dark somewhere on the border of Georgia and South Carolina thinking, what is going on here? Am I safe? Where are we? Who doesn't have a charger in their car?

Ignore Clue Number 6.

I was relieved when we got back on the highway, but only after he made a wrong turn out of the convenience store and started driving away from the on ramp. My heart skipped a beat, until he turned around. I said nothing. NOTHING.

Ignore Clue Number 7.

We drove along for about thirty minutes before coming to a toll booth. I kid you not. He said, "What's this?" I said, "It's a toll booth. I don't know what LYFT's policy is on who is supposed to pay, but I don't have any cash." I did find 5 quarters in the side pocket of the door near me, and handed them to him. He threw them in the toll basket and we proceeded through.

Ignore Clue Number 8.

I was so grateful to make it to the condo where I was staying. When we pulled up, I showed him how to end the trip on his app, and I showed him how it triggered the end of the trip to come up on my phone. I got out of the car and walked up the small ramp to the entry doors, shaking my head.

I quickly put the whole crazy ride out of my mind and had a wonderful time. I made very sure to check the driver's credentials of the Uber I took to return to the airport a few days later. He was a pro! 2,390 Uber rides, five star rating. Now I know to check.

I called LYFT when I got home, and got a full refund for the ride. But that isn't the problem.

The problem was me not cancelling that ride when my gut told me he didn't know the airport.
The problem was me not getting out of the car the moment I found out it was his first ride and he didn't know the first thing about using the app or being a professional driver.
The problem was me sitting in that convenience store parking lot feeling at risk, but being too damn afraid to be rude, or offend, so I stayed. If I had not been such a doormat in that moment, I would have gotten out of the car, grabbed my bag, went into the store, and told him, "We are done here."

In the past, I would not have owned "doormat" behavior.

I mean, I was a person who spoke up for myself. Right?

Not always.

I am a person that, when I get angry or concerned, I often ignore the gut check that my intuition is giving me so that I can be nice, liked, inoffensive, accepting, keeping the peace, not disappointing someone, or whatever. Even if my safety is at risk.

Sometimes we get the exact right lesson at the exact right time. This is one of those. I am so grateful to see this so clearly, and have the chance to practice it. Here's what my practice sounds like.

No.
Nope.
Hell freaking no.
Absolutely not.
No, thank you.
I'll pass.

It's so empowering!!

I look back and think about how many times I said yes when I meant no. Or didn't speak up when I wanted to, but was AFRAID. What to schedule. What to cancel. What behavior needs addressed. How to handle people who come to the door. And yes. Allowing an employee to put their name on the lease despite the gut check. Because it was there.

In our health and fitness, this shows up as acquiescing to another's needs before our own. I've heard the same issues for years. We eat, cook and serve what's good for (requested by) them, not us. And we give away our sacred me time/fitness friends/workout/walk outside time just to make sure we are nice, liked, inoffensive, accepting, keeping the peace, not disappointing someone or whatever. We do not disappoint.

WOW. What am I afraid of? What a random, clueless 23-year-old LYFT driver thinks of me? Enough of this. Enough.

"For women, there’s a myth that we’re supposed to do it all (and do it perfectly). Saying no cues a chorus of inner shame gremlins: “Who do you think you are? You’re not a very caring [person]/mother/wife/friend/colleague."

Daring to set boundaries is about having the courage to love ourselves, even when we risk disappointing others. We can’t base our own worthiness on others’ approval (and this is coming from someone who spent years trying to please everyone!). Only when we believe, deep down, that we are enough can we say “Enough!” - Brené Brown

Enough.
Enough.
Enough.

WHOLE istic

8/5/2018

I got an email this week from someone who is interested in guest blogging about nutrition in my newsletter. I get those requests from time to time.

I told her we have the Road to Wellness with the excellent Meredith on board, but thank you for the offer.

Here's what I found really interesting, though. She said, "Currently your newsletter is fairly focused on self actualization, so not sure it fits."

I used to see these things separately, too. I mean, nutrition is one course, physical fitness is another, and personal growth is its own genre...right?

But then this happened.

I started working with a personal trainer and lifting weights.
I started getting stronger.
I started toning up.
I started feeling better about myself.
I got divorced.
My self worth crashed.
I ate ice cream, pizza, bread and cookies to feel better.
I drank to feel better.
I knew WHAT to do, I just wasn't doing it.
I was working out but not losing any weight.
I was using food for comfort.
I was using food for loneliness.
My corporate job was really stressful.
I was using food to cope with stress.
I wanted to lose weight but was stuck.
I knew what to eat, but chose a lot of junk.
Short term comfort and instant gratification overrode all else.
I knew WHAT to do, I just wasn't doing it.
I kept lifting.
I started running.
I learned about heart rate zones.
I knew I needed to slow down and walk to be aerobic, but I wanted to run.
I started trying to eat better.
I knew vegetables were better than processed carbs.
I knew broccoli was better than french fries.
I knew WHAT to do, I just wasn't doing it.
I went to a support group at a local church.
I talked about the death of my parents in a very real way.
Something started to heal.
I turned to food less and to God more.
I began sitting with my emotions instead of running from them.
I kept lifting.
I started walking.
I went to another support group to deal with my shame and guilt.
I experienced radical, miraculous healing and freedom.
I knew what to do, and started doing it.
It felt natural.
I didn't have to force it or count points, calories or macros.
I started feeling like I was worth something.
I saw that what I ate mattered, but if I allowed it, sabotage would override my best intentions.
I kept lifting.
I kept walking.
I kept sitting with and processing my thoughts and feelings instead of running, escaping or numbing them.
I found some plant-strong whole food recipes I really liked and made them each week.
I knew what to do, and was learning to do it.
Right foot, left foot.
One day at a time.
Some days were better than others.
Some days weren't good at all, so I learned how to receive forgiveness and move on instead of beating myself up and staying stuck.
Some days were great.
Lift. Cardio. Plant-strong whole food. Good sleep. Healthy processing of thoughts and feelings. Water.
I knew what to do, and I was doing it.
Never perfectly. So what.
For me, it was ALL connected.
How I felt about myself.
My identity and worth as a human being.
My good-enough-ness.
What I ate.
How much I drank.
Whether I exercised.
What time I went to bed.
It was ALL connected.

I had to learn to stop looking for more information (the what to do), and instead I had to look within (at the I just don't do it). The answers were in there all along.

If you've ever had a terrible day that led to an all out food binge, you know what I mean. There was no stopping that self- loathing back then. That took inner healing and freedom.

Soon after, ice cream, pizza, bread and cookies became something I had only every now and then. And most often, by choice, not by some crazed place within me that I could not control no matter how much willpower I tried to drum up.

Nutrition is cool.
Physical fitness is cool.

But you can know a whole lot about both, and still not do it. That's where I think it gets interesting. What's your story? What are your buried wounds and when are they triggered to call the shots and plan your menu? What happened to your self worth or identity that led to a struggle in this area of your life?

That's where I think it gets interesting.

The miraculous intersection of knowledge and faith. Wisdom and grace. Knowing what to do, and actually doing it, from a place of peace and divine confidence that comes from knowing that we each have a journey to take, back to authentic worthiness, already good-enough-ness and wholeness.

WHOLE istic.

That powerful place where healthy choices come naturally and without dieting, white knuckling, will power or deprivation. Simply because that's the way we are made.

When a Bomb Goes Off

7/29/2018

I don't like when something comes along and blows up my life.

Illness or injury.
A sick parent.
Sudden financial problem.
Divorce, personal attack or betrayal.
Self-esteem meltdown, depression, anxiety, addiction.

You see, my father died suddenly when I was 13 years old. My mom was already sick, and she died ten years later. Those things wrecked my young world, so I have spent most of my life trying to make sure no more bombs go off.

I have tried to control the universe.

Some days, it seems like my superpowers are working. Everything I built, created or manifested is in its proper place humming along as it should be. That is when the illusion of control tricks me into believing that I have much say in the matter.

Then, along comes a bomb. Kaboom.

It is one thing to make healthy food choices and to stick with an exercise commitment when things are going according to plan. It is a whole other thing to try to love and care for myself when it looks like everything is in pieces.

I get it.

I mean, the ice cream helps but only as long as it's on the spoon.

Later, once I am alone with my thoughts and fears again, I need to rely on something more than a quick hit of comfort or escape.

Remember, fight, flight or freeze are not our only options, tempting as they may be.

There is a fourth option: faith

Faith looks at things completely differently than fight, flight or freeze. Faith lifts us up out of ourselves and the focus on our own little world, and allows us to see our bigger mission.

I recently had a bomb go off. The life I had spent years building and protecting with my false sense of control got blown in two. Maybe you've had that happen to you, too. I felt betrayed. I lost a significant amount of income. I felt lost and confused.

I thought through all my fight options.
I thought through all my flight options. I even put some of my stuff in plastic storage bins. Ready to run.
I froze a lot (haha not body temp. I mean froze in front of Netflix trying not to think about the situation).

The only answer for me, however, is faith.

Faith says this just may be the BEST thing that has ever happened to me.
Faith is the director of comebacks and second chances.
Faith stirs up the Spirit when it seems darkest.
Faith knows that there is no control, so its mantra is Your will be done.
Faith continues with self love and care.
Faith does not quit.
Faith is best friends with Grace.
Faith says don't fear, I'm with you. I'll give you strength, I'll help you.

The enemy would love to use the bombs that go off in our lives as a way to keep us small, stuck, depressed, anxious and powerless. This is where we must fight.

"Be prepared. You're up against for more than you can handle on your own. Take all the help you can get, every weapon God has issued, so that when it's all over but the shouting you'll still be on your feet. Truth, righteousness, peace, faith and salvation are more than words."

A bomb may have gone off. Pieces of your life, your relationships or your business may be all around you.

But I am positive this is NOT how the story ends.

Stand strong and don't be moved.
Stand amidst the rubble and don't be moved.
Stand against darkness and don't be moved.

To stand and not be moved is to KNOW the end of the story, and to keep the faith no matter what it looks like right now. Spoiler alert! Faith wins. Love wins.

Love WINS. So take care of you. We're gonna need you on the team to fulfill our calling. Destiny awaits!

That Time I Failed Coach Training

7/15/2018

A little story about why I love coaching.

In 2005, I was learning something very powerful: To help people change, really get healthy, and know their worth, I was going to have to know more about why humans do what they do.

It wasn't about the bicep curls.

It wasn't about the carbs...or the tater tots, corn, peas, eggs, potatoes, watermelon, red meat, sugar, low fat, no fat, etc.)

There is a lot more going on with us than just learning to exercise and eat. I started hearing the same thing over and over.

"I know what to do, I just don't do it."

Right around that time, I started seeing the number 714 everywhere. Have you ever had that happen with a number? I mean, it was everywhere. The clock, license plates, addresses, on the hotel room door in a Big Bang episode. It got me so curious, I Googled it. It is Babe Ruth's home run record. It is also the number stamped on a Quaalude, a drug from the seventies. But I knew that wasn't it.

So I tried it in this format 7:14 and got this: "We know that the law is spiritual, but I am un-spiritual. sold into bondage to sin." Romans 7:14

WHAT?! I had NO IDEA what that meant (God and I were not hanging out back then like we are now). But the next few lines caught my eye. "I have the desire to do what is good, but cannot carry it out. For I don't do the good I want to do, but the bad - this I keep doing."

This was an EXACT description of my relationship with ice cream! And pizza, cookies, booze, cigarettes, drugs, the gym, exercise, my body weight, relationships, shopping, my finances, everything. I kept trying, but would always fail. It was a battle within me. I had the desire to change, but something kept tripping me up.

Around this time, I decided to get certified as a coach and started year-long training. I'm a good student and did all my lessons, practice exams, took the written test and passed it. But when it came to the practical exam, I didn't do so well. It was over the phone with one of the faculty members of Wellcoaches, and when we were done, he asked how I thought I did. "OMG, terrible!", I said. I knew it was bad. I'd been given the scenario of a male client who wanted to quit smoking and lose weight. All I ended up doing was telling him what to do. Eat vegetables, chew gum, don't smoke. Do good. Don't do bad. Follow the rules. Follow the rules!

That doesn't work.

Not only does that approach not help my fictional male client quit smoking or lose weight, it shames him AND makes me fail my practical exam.

The interesting thing is, I knew I was off track as I was taking the test. I could feel it. I was out of sync with my spirit.

On the day that I failed, I experienced a mental shift. Never again would I look at someone who was struggling (including myself) and simply think, we just don't know what to do. We may need a brief lesson in nutrition or exercise, but those things don't change a person deep within.

That doesn't free people from lifelong addictions and compulsions that rob them of their health and their life.

The Truth does!

The truth is, we ALL know what to do, but very often don't do it. It is part of the struggle of being human.

As I read beyond the dilemma and internal battle of I know what to do, I just don't do it, and into Romans 8, the answer was right there:

The RULES always ended up being used as a Band-Aid on brokenness instead of a deep healing of it. And now, what the rules asked for (but couldn’t deliver) is accomplished as we, instead of redoubling our own efforts, simply embrace what the Spirit is doing in us.
How much more authentic, joyful and freeing does that feel compared to a long list of do's and don'ts! I was so sick of redoubling my own efforts.
I brought this new understanding with me as I re-took my practical exam, and I passed easily. I had learned the lesson. I had changed.
That failure, like all my others, was a lesson. A real-deal, paradigm-shifting spiritual growth lesson that is I am still grateful for today. It's hard to see it when we're in it, but really that's all they ever are. Little mini-classrooms that help us see the world and one another just a little more clearly.

And with a little more grace.

Zion Part 2 - Turning Around

6/10/2018

"Daring to set boundaries is about having the courage to love ourselves, even when we risk disappointing others." - Brené Brown

Last week, I shared my story of taking a much longer hike than anticipated. For me, it was a reminder that some paths take more time, and faith is required to keep going, left foot right foot.

After that surprise 18.2 miles, I got food and sleep, and was up early the next morning for day two of the hike.

We filled our packs with provision for the day and headed into the canyon. Since day one was from the west rim to the canyon floor, day two would be a climb. We'd start where we left off, and climb to the east rim.

The map said 7.5 miles.

I've done the first part of this hike before. It's mostly switchbacks that lead up into Echo Canyon and Observation Point. At the 2.5 mile mark, there is a small sign with an arrow on it. "East Rim Trail".

It was a very hot, dry day and I was looking forward to the east trail, which the literature described as lush forest surrounded by pines. Woohoo! Right now we were in the desert. Trees sounded good.

Shortly after we turned off the main trail, we found ourselves on a very rocky cliff. It wasn't clear where the path was, really, except for a few cairns, stacks of rocks that serve as landmarks on a trail. We made our way slowly from one to another. I was having to hold onto the rocks with my hands, take big steps up and down, and do those little heel - toe - heel - toe steps down slanted slick rock to make our way forward.

I am not skilled in this area. I am from Ohio.

It wasn't long before a voice in my head started up. "This is not what I thought this would be. I am afraid. I am in fear of falling. This is stupid."

In the past, I am almost positive I would have shoved that thought down hard and pressed on. But I've learned a great deal about boundaries lately, and it was time to practice.

I looked out over the rocky terrain and said, "I'm not going down there. It's too much for me. You guys go on ahead. I know my way back."

Everyone stopped, and for a minute it was quiet. I turned completely around and started carefully hiking out of this area, back to the well-traveled trail. To my surprise, they were following me.

When I got to the trail, I sat down beneath a small tree and pulled out an apple and some pretzels. I needed to regroup. The hikers I was with decided to keep climbing. Their plan was to try another trail called the Mesa Trail to see if it was easier terrain. I decided to head back.

As I walked 2.5 miles down the side of that massive rock, I had two thoughts competing for my attention. "You quit, you failed." And, "You boundary-setting, self-respecting, courage-wielding, rock-climbing empowerment-superhero."

It didn't take long for the voice of the enemy to be drowned out by the truth.

Lie: I quit, I failed.
Truth: I rocked my boundary.

We all face that kind of rocky terrain every day. If you are like me, it is tempting to go for the most people-pleasing outcome, not what is most authentic for me at the moment. My hiker friends could have railed against my boundary, called me names, shamed me, withdrew, etc. People often react negatively or even explosively when confronted with a boundary. That is why it takes such courage to stand in one and hold it strong.

When I reconvened with my hiking crew, they told me how GRATEFUL they were that I spoke up. That was not the trail they wanted to be on either, and the other one ended up being perfect to get to the east rim.

I share this with you because I think it is difficult for all of us to navigate our way through trying to get fit and healthy, worrying about giving up too easily or being a "wuss", pushing too far and getting hurt, and then learning to speak up, honor our authentic selves, and hold our boundaries when necessary. It's challenging!

I am far from perfect at it. What I do know is this. Setting healthy boundaries requires vulnerability and courage. I had to be willing to be disapproved of by my hiking crew (so glad I wasn't) to show myself the self-respect that was required in that moment to feel safe. Their disapproval would have been a bummer.

But disapproval of myself for violating ME is worse.

My job is to speak up. Stand strong in my empowerment. The more I do that, the more I learn that the reactions of those around me is on them, NOT ME. Those who love and respect me, love and respect my boundaries. And...sometimes even thank me for them.

"I'm never more courageous than when I'm embracing imperfection, embracing vulnerabilities, and setting boundaries with the people in my life." - Brené Brown

When the Path is MUCH Longer Than You Thought

6/3/2018

I'm back from Zion National Park in Utah! I love that place. I went out to explore a partnership with the Grand Canyon Rim to Rim club and as it turned out, most of our meeting was held on a remote trail.

Just outside of the main entrance to the park, there is a small town called Springdale, where you can find all the hotels and shops. It's a cool little town. If you keep driving, you pass Rockville [population 273] as you head up into Kolob Canyon in the Northwest area of the park. Following signs to the West Rim Trail Head, we climbed a narrow, nineteen mile, two-lane road that turned into rocks and dirt and got very steep near the top. My little rental was not built for that kind of road. Poor little Nissan Versa.

At the top, we found a small, primitive campsite with young families setting up tents, an outhouse, and a five-car dirt parking lot. We claimed a spot and got out, finding the trail head sign. "West Rim Trail - Zion Canyon 13.5 miles". No problem. We are way up in elevation near 8,000 feet and we are hiking to the floor of the canyon. It should all be downhill. Right?

We got our backpacks on, locked and loaded, and set off on the West Rim trail. We were treated with spectacular views right out of the gate, since we were up so high. All I had to do was turn my head to the right to see mountains and vertical rock structures for miles.

We had a nice, steady pace for the first few miles. It was still morning, but the sun was starting to beat down on the desert floor, so it was a welcome break when we headed into some forest shade. Until the climb started. "Wait a second!", my mind protested. I thought this was all downhill. How can we be climbing if we are at the top? I was not acclimated to the altitude, heat or dry air (the humidity here in Ohio has been relentless) so breathing was a bit of a struggle.

But on I climbed.

Finally at the top, I found a shaded, fallen tree to sit on and ate part of my lunch. We had gone just over 6 miles, so I gave myself a pep talk. Almost half way there. Only 7 miles to go. All downhill from here.

We continued along the ridge as it turned into afternoon. We ran into a few people who were lugging gear to their campsites, which looked like an unpleasant task. Although camping up there must be quite an experience. I could feel how off-grid we were. No cell phone service. No water. Nothing but back-country and blue sky.

Left foot, right foot.

I remember hitting the eleven mile mark on the Garmin and thinking, praise the LORD less than an hour to go. A little over two miles. I can do this.

Then around mile twelve, we came around the west side of the mountain and suddenly had a view of Zion Canyon. There she was. Angel's Landing surrounded by the Virgin River. But it didn't look like it was a mile away. It looked far away. My heart sunk. How could this be? We're supposed to be almost there.

I had three liters of water with me, but had been drinking it as though I had less than an hour to go. Now, it looked as though we had several hours to go. I started conserving. Small sips. I finished my lunch. All that was left was a few pretzels.

Do you know the feeling of wanting to be done with something so badly? I wanted to be done. Take my sweaty boots off. Put my feet up. Blow my nose. Have a huge, ice cold drink.

But I wasn't done so I had to keep moving. Left foot, right foot.

Having something familiar within view was helpful, but it felt like as I moved forward, the end of the trail moved farther away. Mercifully, it truly was all downhill switchbacks at this point with gorgeous views. I tried to stay focused on that, on all the positives. The progress we'd made. The badassery of this back-country hike. My legs' ability to keep me moving. Left foot, right foot.

Then, as it often seems to happen, we were suddenly at Scout's Landing. Woohoo! I'd been here many times before, from the other direction. I knew this place. I could picture refrigerator canyon and the switchbacks leading down to the road where we would catch our shuttle.

Here's what I know. Very often, the paths we choose are longer, more challenging, and scarier than we ever thought they would be. Restoring health and fitness can be like that. Getting emotionally healthy after being lost for a long time can be like that. Getting sober. Quitting drugs. Losing weight. Restoring self-worth.

What I learned on the West Rim Trail is we don't get to know what's going to come up on our path. We don't even know how far or long it will be. I had to rely on what I DID know:

My legs are strong.
When I get weak, God has my back.
I am filled with divine confidence.
Every step forward matters.
Left foot, right foot.
What you focus on grows.
Stay present.
Eventually, I WILL finish.

And I did. The quick two miles from Scout's Landing was partly shaded, crowded with hikers, and completely down hill. The hike turned out to be 18.2 miles. Almost five miles further than the posted signs said, and I think the farthest I've gone since the Grand Canyon.

Here's what I love about taking on any challenge in life. When I'm in it, it's hard. But when I'm done, oh the happiness! Not just for finishing, but for having the courage to begin in the first place.

It may not look like you thought it would. It may be longer than you ever imagined. Don't let that keep you from finding your path. Don't let that keep you from trying.

Planting Seeds

5/28/2018

I got a call last week from a former coaching client, who I hadn't seen in a little over a year. I'll call her Linda.

Linda and I started working together back in 2007, when I first held the weight loss group at The Yoga Factory. After I moved into the Clear Rock studio, she continued to meet with me for private coaching sessions, and was a participant in my I Know What to Do, I Just Don't Do It seminar.

She'd come to our coaching sessions with page corners of my book turned down, plus pages and pages of journal. She exercised. A lot. She joined the walking group. She lifted consistently.

She didn't lose a pound.

She could not have been trying harder, or been more stuck. And at 250 pounds, her knees were taking a beating, and she was just sick of it. But still, no weight loss, even though she really wanted it.

Something always took over her best intentions and sabotaged her.

Last year, Linda's mom died. Then very shortly after, her dad died. Right around the same time, she lost her dog. What she told me next, I remember experiencing myself. She said her soul started to die. She was dying. Not because of poor health or "obesity". She was dying on the inside.

Have you experienced this? It's awful. The darkness. The abyss. The alone-ness.

But then.
"Pushed to the wall, I called to God;
from the wide open spaces, he answered.
God's now AT MY SIDE and I'm not afraid."

She told me something came alive within her, and that she didn't want to die.

Then, she remembered me making her stand at one edge of the room, and telling her to jump across in one giant stride. And she said she couldn't! So we walked together, one step at a time, across the room, "left foot right foot".

Then, she remembered me standing in a box I'd made on the floor with pink duct tape, the box I called STUCK. Defeated. The comfort zone. And she described me stepping out of that box, and standing in the CHANGE box, recounting all the things that come at you. The lies. The fear. The tsunami of why I can't, it's too hard, it takes too long, I'm not worth it. And she remembered the arrow. That arrow you only get to if you STAND STRONG against the tsunami. God at your side. The arrow of move forward. The arrow of FREEDOM.

Then she remembered us standing before the mirror, when she was learning to see herself and her beauty, just as she was. All the tears, the times we prayed.

She said how sorry she was that it took so long, but that she had heard me. She'd heard the message of Truth and life. And in that dark moment of almost giving up, she reached for God and found God there.

She kept thanking me, even though I tried to say it was her journey with God that got her here. And she kept apologizing to me, that it took all those years for it to click, even though I told her that God's timing was perfect.

She's lost the weight.

But I will be honest. I don't care all that much about that. I'm delighted that she is enjoying shopping, her knees are pain free, she's off her meds, etc. All good.

Here's what I care about: I saw the LIGHT within her. It was different. She was truly alive. She has been changed from the inside - out.

Here's what I know.

That light had to come on FIRST. Her soul had to come near to death. She had to look into the abyss and feel the darkness. She had to call to God and hear him answer. She had to decide she wanted to LIVE.

The rest was healing of the symptoms.

Suddenly, food had NO power.
Suddenly, things that triggered her into a binge no longer mattered.
Suddenly, she felt a peace overwhelm her that she's never known before.
Suddenly, she was free.

So, did it take a long time? Or was it sudden and miraculous? It was both! Who cares. God has an amazing way of redeeming the time.

Sometimes I feel drowned out, speaking out against all the crap this world is trying to sell us. But what Linda taught me was this. Those seeds we plant? They are germinating. Those seeds we plant? They are growing. Those seeds we plant? They are alive and well, even if they are buried deep in the dirt.

"I will not die an unlived life
I will not live in fear
of falling or catching fire.
I choose to inhabit my days,
to allow my living to open me,
to make me less afraid,
more accessible,
to loosen my heart
until it becomes a wing,
a torch, a promise.
I choose to risk my significance;
to live so that which came to me as seed
goes to the next as blossom
and that which came to me as blossom,
goes on as fruit."

-- Dawn Markova

Thank you, Linda. You gave me an incredible gift by telling me your story. I'm so, so happy for you. Enjoy your freedom. Enjoy your life! I love you!!

Life Box Lessons

5/20/2018

I've had a project on my to-do list for several years, and that is to clean out my Life Box, which is the wooden chest in which I keep everything that I keep. Well, I finally got around to going through it all.

As I was going through it, I found photo albums, report cards, ACT scores, journals, my GED, college degrees, mementos from my parents, school assignments, poetry I wrote, awards, and lots more. It was fun and difficult and amazing to go through it all.

What really struck me was, I'd been trying my whole life to feel OK about who I was.

Why didn't I know I was OK? Why don't we know we are OK?

I found a journal with just a few entries in it. There were a lot of starts and stops back then, it was such a struggle to find consistency in any of my self care. One of the entries said this.

"Important Days to Celebrate:
January 28, 1999 Quit Smoking
April 28, 1999 Won Best Speaker Award at Toastmasters for First Speech"

Looking back almost twenty years later, I am going to completely agree with the fact that these are very important days to celebrate. There is no way I knew where any of those choices would lead me, but they were turns OFF the road I was on, onto a NEW path, and therefore they are extraordinarily significant.

They were so hard to do. They were terrifying. But they were important and life-changing.

"4-28-99 Congratulations on conquering one of your biggest fears - public speaking! I won the best speaker award at Toastmasters today for my first speech. And it was about my life I even had the courage to talk about dad, mom, school, etc. It was awesome. It has been three months today since I quit smoking. Doing great. I am going to focus month four on getting some self discipline. I am struggling a little bit to find and work on one priority: working out, food, sleeping habit, etc. I can do it. Even though it's hard I know for the rest of my life if I quit smoking and gave my first speech in the same year, I can do anything. You can do it."

Wow, do I love that 34-year-old seeker.

In the same journal, I have an entry from November 13, 2001.

"Arrived at Red Mountain Resort today [first time I ever went there]. Incredible. I am overwhelmed by the beauty and the attentiveness to the spirit here. I just made my dream schedule for the week, which includes three hikes (or 4?), biking, yoga and massage. This is fabulous. I am fighting a headache from the travelling, convinced it is the toxic things I eat, drink and breathe. And say. And feel. I am going to leave here without some things. It is time to free myself from them. Anger, judgment, fear and take freedom and peace home in my soul. The mountains and the desert sky will teach me all I need to know. Here I go!"

Here I go.

Oh, sweet 36-year-old Sue I am so grateful you kept searching and trying new things. I have now been to Red Mountain Resort 16 or 17 times! I learned to hike at Zion and Bryce, which led me to the Grand Canyon, and who knows where that is leading me.

What I do know is I am on the right path now. Not because I go hiking out west, but because I learned to honor who I was. I learned to let the mountains and the desert sky teach me who I was and what I needed to do next. But mostly I learned that I had always been OK just the way I was. Flawed, scared, lost, brave, talented, creative, introspective, sensitive, rebellious.

We are OK.
We have always been OK.
We have ALWAYS been OK.

Sometimes it takes looking through the Life Box to remember that.