I'm sorry it is a struggle at times. I know that it is. I don't believe there is any way to avoid the obstacles on this journey, but I do know that so much of what keeps us stuck is that we think about things backwards.
We do NOT have to figure out how to change our bodies to be a certain shape or size before we can feel good enough. That is radically backwards. We must feel good enough at the shape and size we are right now, then our bodies will become healthy, fit, strong expressions of that.
The body follows the mind. If you see a flawed body when you look in the mirror, look for something in the mind that needs healing.
I know how hard this is to believe. I know many of us will keep looking outside of ourselves for the answer, the program, or the means of control. I am so thankful that being victorious has nothing to do with control or willpower. If that was the answer, I never would have gotten anywhere. Ever. I am just not good at forcing myself to do things that I don't want to do, like control and restrict my food, count my food, write down my food, etc.
I want freedom.
Look, a food journal can be a great tool to become aware of what the heck you are eating. If you do not know how many calories are in what you're eating, get out your food log. Write it down. Learn. This tool is so you know how to make a good choice. But be clear. This tool is incapable of giving you the ability to make a good choice.
What does give us the ability to make good choices?
An identity rooted in the truth. We must know that we are ok, enough, accepted RIGHT NOW, no cleanup work required. Otherwise, we may rise up for a moment and make a good choice, but those false beliefs are always there to sabotage every long term effort. If you feel like two parts of you are fighting for victory in this, they probably are. One part of you knows you are an amazing, unique woman and makes choices as an expression of that acceptance and worth. Another part of you never feels good enough, rebels against anything that shows love and respect to your body (like positive words, healthy food or exercise), and eats for comfort.
It is a painful, conflicted way to live.
The only way out is to replace the lies with truth. If you could diet your way out of this, you'd be done already. Some of the lies that need a big, bright light shone on them are:
Lie: I will be accepted once I lose weight.
Truth: You are absolutely accepted right now, any weight any size.
Lie: I won't be good enough until I lose weight.
Truth: You are already good enough.
Lie: I can't dress up, spend money on clothes, etc. until I look better or can buy a different size.
Truth: You are totally worth having outfits that fit your body right now and make you feel awesome. Express your beauty at any shape or size.
Lie: I can't have the man/job/body/life of my dreams until I fix some things.
Truth: Nothing in you needs fixed to live the life of your dreams. Imagine if Oprah decided she was too fat to be a talk show host, or if Susan Boyle thought she's better never sing in public because she didn't feel beautiful or if Meryl Streep decided she would have to have a perfect body first then she could try acting.
It is our minds and our hearts that need healing. We have been through a lot and have taken on a lot of beliefs about ourselves that just aren't true. The shift can happen in an instant. All it takes is seeing the lies for what they really are. Release those lies and come into agreement with the truth.
Start by being kind to your body! Learn how to graciously accept a compliment. It is not your body's fault you feel the way you do. It was a long process of creating a set of beliefs that no longer serve. It is time to say goodbye to them and live as you were intended, unshackled and free to be beautiful you.