The girl asks if she can have one. Mom says, "No, you are too fat. If you work up enough self-discipline and willpower to get thinner, then you can have a cookie."
The girl feels crushed, and punished. When she goes to school the next day where they have cookies at the class party, she eats eight of them."
I could hear this scenario in my head these past two weeks. Every time I read or heard someone say, "It's bikini time. You want to be in shape, DON'T YOU?" I started restricting myself. Eat less. Eat less!!
I am just like that middle-schooler. If you tell me I can't eat something, especially out of punishment, I will eat eight of them. What I found myself doing was thinking about eating less food, while eating a whole lot more. That's just the rebel in me.
Finally, on Saturday, I was way too full, which is a trigger for me. I try to balance near the center of never too hungry, never too full. But that trigger brought all this to my consciousness. I realized somewhere in the back of my head, I was trying to withhold food from me, for not being good enough, thin enough, perfect enough.
So I had to make the shift, and remind myself I can eat whatever I want...whenever I want. I don't need to get "summer skinny" or change anything at all. I am OK right here, right now.
I know the fear. If I tell myself I can eat whatever I want, I will eat way too much and gain a hundred pounds. But that's just not how it has worked for me. It's the restriction that makes me rebel and eat way to much. When I stop harshly judging myself and trust that I can make healthy choices, I do just that.
The Lie is: If I restrict myself enough, I will get "beach body ready", and I'll be free and at peace.
The Truth is: I am done abusing myself. I look the way I look right now, which is worthy of acceptance and love. I can eat whatever I want, whenever I want. It is a choice I make out of love and respect for my health and my life, not a punishment.
Freedom and peace of mind come from our spiritual journey of healing and acceptance. Not from punishment or restriction. Even if we're in a bathing suit, shorts or tank tops. That's the truth!