If you are doing the challenge, how is it going? I want to hear from you. What does it mean to you? Are you doing it in honor of someone?
I have total writer's block this week. I backed out of a relationship column I had been contributing to each week, and I didn't write anything here last night. My brain seems to be on overload.
Have you ever felt like that?
I understand how, when life gets overwhelming, it can be our fitness that drops off the schedule. It seems like an optional to-do, unlike going to work, buying food or paying the electric bill. There are certain things that must get done. But a mile? A cardio class? A personal training session?
For me, yes. I learned a long time ago that my workouts come higher in priority than almost anything else on my list. My brain doesn't work well without exercise. I must make time to fit it in. Like I have written in my book, the lie is - once I find the time, I will begin. The truth is - as soon as I begin, I'll find the time.
So I worked out consistently this week.
Why, then, does it feel like someone stuck cotton in little pockets of my brain? Why so cloudy? Why on earth did I say the wrong things over and over last week? Why am I out of alignment with my authentic self? It's like something else is taking over at certain moments. Very inopportune, inappropriate moments. (Did I mention I used a curse word accidentally while teaching a relationship workshop at church on Saturday ugh!!) I keep shaking my head side to side, like I might be able to shake the cobwebs loose and get back to clear thinking. That doesn't work, by the way.
Then I remembered. I am afraid.
Oh, hello fear! I forgot the impact you have on me. I forgot how quickly you can pull me away from being the person I want to be. I forgot how uncomfortable my days can be with you as my guide. I don't want you to be my guide! I want love to guide me. I want to walk in the light, not the darkness.
So I sat with it. I let it all in. I invited all the fear and feelings of failure in and I let myself feel it. The best way I can describe it is hot blood and pain in my gut. I am afraid!! I am afraid I said the wrong thing. I am afraid I offended someone. I am afraid Tread won't make it. I'm afraid all the nice guys are taken.
Then, my miracle. I said, "Holy Spirit come." That simple prayer that shifts everything, for me. EVERYTHING. Where, "every fear has no place - at the sound of Your great name". And I remember I have been given a power greater than fear. I do not have to let it be my guide. I can kick it out and invite love in. And when love is driving the bus, all its passengers come along with it. Grace, joy, perseverance, patience, and peace.