I love the word Integrity. It comes from the root word integer meaning whole or complete.
-a whole number; a number that is not a fraction.
-a thing complete in itself.
This is easy to understand when we are talking about numbers. 1 is a whole number. ½ is not.
But what about when we are talking about us. What makes us a thing complete in itself? Is there such a thing?
There is something important I have learned from leading Integrity and working with women at the studio. Our struggle is not food. Food is a symptom. Inactivity is a symptom. Our health and our weight is an outcome, a consequence of that. It could just as easily be alcoholism, an online shopping addiction, workaholism, gambling, or any other compulsion used to escape the pain, fear and discomfort of our reality.
Lie: Food and exercise are the problem. Control food and exercise, fix the problem.
Truth: The root is our identity. We believe ourselves to be incomplete, broken. Fractions.
The path to freedom lies in understanding that no matter what we’ve been through, or what we’ve done, we are not loved any less. We need to understand who we are.
With the death of my parents when I was 13 and 23, I was certain that I was abandoned and worth-less. Not a thing complete in itself.
When I was assaulted as a teen, I was certain I was damaged beyond recovery. Never again to be whole or worthy of love.
Then with every bad choice. With every deepening groove of addiction. With every failure. Bankruptcy. Divorce. You name it. I had become a fraction of what I was meant to be. It was devastating to be in a pit so deep, with little light. I did my best to fake it. Fake it ‘til you make it.
I tried all the ways of the world. Every single one. Self-help. Workshops. Therapy. Diets. Books. College degrees. Money. None of those things were bad. But none of those things could reach the beliefs that I held so deep in my heart about who I believed I was.
Then I went to this group and I told them my story, and my beliefs about who I was. Abandoned. Worthless. Damaged. And I listened intently as I was taught that we all believe we are too far gone for grace to free us, but we’re not. That our past is too much of a mess to be forgiven, but it’s not. And our hearts are too broken to be healed, but they’re not.
If no one has told you the truth, allow me.
You are not too far gone for grace to free you.
Your past is not too much of a mess to be forgiven.
And your heart is not too broken to be healed.
You are, and always have been, a whole number. A thing complete in itself. It is yours to claim. Receive it! The only thing that can stop you is an old lie; that you don’t matter or aren’t ever good enough. And if you are anything like me, you have heard enough of that old lie to last a lifetime. It is time to live a life rooted in the truth.
You matter. You are already good enough! And if you are willing to touch that joy and live in it, your food choices, your activity, your relationships and everything else will reflect the wholeness, freedom and healing that have always been there waiting for you to claim them.
“I will change your name
You shall no longer be called
Wounded, outcast, lonely or afraid
I will change your name
Your new name shall be
Confidence, joyfulness, overcoming one” -Eden’s Bridge