As I was lying there, I tried to meditate and pray. Was something wrong? What was this extraordinarily powerful resistance I was feeling? I tried to determine if it was an instinctual message that I was sensing, something that should definitely be honored. Were my mind and body trying to tell me something? Or was this plain old lack of motivation; an excuse that was just going to keep me from succeeding at my goal?
I reviewed my goal. One half marathon each month for the year. I thought about the events I've done so far. The awesome Arizona half in Tempe. That crazy drive through the Utah mountains to get to the Bryce Canyon half. Missing June because I was stranded on a Lake Erie island, then making it up at Highbanks. Three Creeks, Earth Day, Cap City, Emerald, New Albany.
I thought about each one of them and what made them meaningful. In every instance, it was other people who made the event meaningful to me.
My Arizona friends finding me at several spots on the course and cheering wildly. I can still hear Kristen in my head. "Go SUE Woohoo!!"
Running into Ralph, a Columbus friend, at the Bryce Canyon packet pick up in the middle of Utah, and arranging to meet up with him and his girlfriend at the start. We ended up finishing together and taking pictures.
The people who stuck around in the 12 degree temps to cheer me on even though I was last at Three Creeks.
Going down and back with my friend Kendra for Earth Day and Cap City, and seeing her at the finish as I crossed almost an hour after her in both races.
Doing the Highbanks virtual half with Marie on National Tequila Day, all the while thinking about the feast we were going to have at Cantina Laredo once we finished.
The virtual half I did in February on the treadmill at Metro, with Kelley walking by with mile marker signs every ten minutes, cracking me up.
Then I realized, August and September I did alone. Emerald City out in Dublin. I did it, but it was boring and I didn't see many people I knew. New Albany in September. Again, drove down by myself, did the miles but didn't really have much interaction.
It wasn't that I didn't want to do my October half. I actually really want to succeed at this goal and kick it in the ass! I just don't want to do it alone! Well, I can fix that. I'll just think of this weekend as a $26 lesson, and make sure my last three are with someone there to support and encourage me.
These goals we make are often big, long term goals. I was chatting with Gloria, one of my 70-something clients who has been with Clear Rock for 7+ years, about this. She said, "I don't always want to come here." I totally get it. It's hard to show up over and over and over. But I know that once she is here, I can get her through the workout. And she knows that, too.
I feel like I've had an epiphany! It wasn't that I didn't want to go, I just didn't want to go alone. The beauty is, I don't have to. I can set up all my workouts with fitness friends, instructors and trainers to help me through. I see it when I take Body Pump. I see it when I run with Kim or hike with Marie. I see it in Tread. Our shared energy and inspiration is powerful. It gets into the heart and soul of every person there, and it keeps them coming back.
I've reached the end of myself, and need to rely on something bigger than me to finish out the year. I need my people, my tribe, my family. It is a very humbling, wonderful feeling for someone like me, who was stuck for the longest time in the false belief that I had to do everything myself. HA! Not true, not even possible. But oh, so good.