I am amazed by the power of connection. All it took was for me to come out of hiding and get real about it, and I felt so much better. No more isolation, no more escape. I knew I had to do three things to turn myself around:
1. Get talking
2. Get moving
3. Be forgiven
So I talked to everyone I could about how I was feeling. Darkness loses its power in the light. It's miraculous and healing.
That left me with a gimpy ankle. My tendons are healing, but it is slow, so I am still without my primary means of elevating back up to my highest self: walking. But, that doesn't mean I can't move my body and get those essential endorphins flowing again. So I went on a quest to find workouts that helped me feel better about myself.
I took a lifting class at Melt Hot, but my ankle wasn't ready for lunges and burpees, so that wasn't ideal. I took the hot yoga class Wednesday instead, and that felt great. I asked a friend of mine to train me at Metro Fitness, and I got a very challenging workout on the machines. I went to Marie's studio and did an awesome workout with her called 614Max. And I dragged one of my spin bikes over to the Tread studio, and rode the bike instead of walking during Sunday's class to get some intervals in.
It worked! Each workout helped me feel better and better. I felt that light come back on inside me. I often say, it's difficult to feel bad about yourself when you're rocking out with weights! Lifting is awesome for that.
By Friday, I felt like I had completely climbed out of the pit. The dark cloud had lifted and I felt thankful that I hadn't waited any longer to get moving. Then, the phone rang. I had fasting blood work done on Thursday morning for my annual physical, and they were calling with results. Kidney results looked great. Blood sugar looked great. Lipid profile, not so much.
NO!! I already went through this, and got my cholesterol under control by eating cleaner. I got it down 40 points back in the day, but it was back up. Two months of crap eating and it was back up. Sometimes the healthy lifestyle is unforgiving. You can work hard to maintain your fitness for years, but it only takes a short time to lose serious ground.
At first, I was so angry with myself. I mean...I know what to do!! I just hadn't done it.
But that is the human story. We all know what to do. The struggle is in doing it consistently. So, I had to forgive myself for getting off track. I had to remember that we all fall short and there is no condemnation.
I have met so many women who were doing well, staying fit, rocking it. Then they got hit with something, and they got off track. Sometimes for two months. Sometimes for two years. Sometimes for 20 years. The pit can feel too deep. The road back can seem too far and long. I understand completely.
There is a way out! Get talking. Get moving. Then forgive yourself. Stop beating yourself up. When we are able to stop looking backwards at what went wrong, or what might have been, we can be present. And it takes being radically present to make positive changes in your life. You must know who you are the moment you are making your choices. Are you the broken-hearted girl who is hiding from the world and has given up? Or are you a fighter? A warrior. Determined to take every set-back and turn it into a learning experience, not a stick to beat yourself up with.
I choose to fight. I let go of self-condemnation and receive grace and forgiveness. I'm back on track. I know who I am- a warrior! And I will not give up. I will keep talking, keep walking, left foot, right foot. And I will overcome.